The Muse

June 15, 2021

The Money and The City

Like the city can change the prospect likewise the money can replace the outlook but why there is always love and tears in the middle of wayforce?

The destination I want to end and my son to start where is it that filled my afterthought according to Des’20’s reflection and till this second I have no idea for that’s clue.

Wherever we go all will return to God but that’s my problem is my roots that I thought had been steady for a long time was starting to swell. I found myself on Dec’20 wanting to chase my old dreams before myself and my roots were truly fused into eternity. I hope my son has become a strong shoot and ready to fight in this mortal world.
I wanna do a nomadic life and in every stop I want to put the literature of life for the local community in there. Back to a full time writer is my truly calling. Then the problem is coming because I want to make it with my husband in the while I do not have a hubby.

The remain of crucial question is only a bit in my heart regarding the faith of one time marriage. My status is divorced but no separation in faith. After fifteen years being a single parent will I give up? Is my struggle just a little bit more to reach the end right? But why does this wish emerge in my age is not young anymore? My son needs a fatherly patron is also no longer a point. The reason of my foundation needs support is also grey area.

The reason of my son will go college will be the biggest trigger of the roots moving actively. My roots move my soul seek the breathe.

My mind is going to everywhere, quest the puzzle, counting, seeking the way out, do mapping, supposing that supposing this, how if lets say bla bla, or demand my roots be calm could I?
One thing I know my heart always wants to discharge this current situation to go out somewhere bring my son. A while I was being wandering with my partner and another while my son was pursing his dream.

Collection of The Muse

No	Month	The Muse
12	2018-11-07	What Is The Headline? Am not his wife but why I do think of him much. He is my growing friend had passed away one year ago. Many times I feel he finds me. On the day of his funeral, in the middle of the procession I wished while casting my eyes on another hill, where I sat and the ground of his place to rest was an another hill. I said to myself while letting my tears melted down I supposedly married with him. I don't know why I used to refuse him after 8 years in waiting. I though as if I married with him then his life story could be different; he would not die in young age. It's been long time the hill I saw was like a very peaceful heaven. My heart is like flowing the breeze and the whole atmosphere of the cemetery is calm asking to go far away to another dimension of life. It was a very beautiful place and did not symbolize a death in the slightest; on the contrary I feel the life. At finally my best friend slept for the first and last time on the ground. The flowers were being fallen down for the first time. A year passed by. I actually wanted to post this article to celebrate at a year of his death. Towards a year of his departure, about a few days or a few weeks I felt he was present at my house suddenly. Or at least I suddenly thought about him more than usual. All happens were like reflexively. By the he was my growing friend, as mentally and morally we bound to each other in a common goal. With our way we explore the meaning of life. I used to thought I'd die first because I had more illnesses than him, hmn.. that was life. According to the Fengshui this year will be the toughest year for my health. About last February I had tried to think about what kind disease would I suffer? Seemingly, the old ill doesn't bother me again. In November all answered, now I suffer from a fairly serious illness. In theory my health will get recover after strict treatment, but I rethinking it again that am I going to chase my death in Yogyakarta and not in Temanggung as I wrote in my novel? Hmn... It's long time I've not think about a death after being free from a disease that almost took my live 7 years ago. Probably it's time for me to return to my footsteps from the end of the last days until the soul revoked from my crown; Luckily, I don't have anything so I do not need to make this message to my son; This is the first thing that popped into my mind the most. Well.. it's really not cool if I tell my son, don't forget the treasure under the floor, you have to break the floor carefully so you do not make damage on the diamonds, Son don't forget the car still has installments, or something worse like oh Son, please pay off my all debts; these stuffs most I don't like from the death; life making troublesome still making troublesome when die; It's about my goal not making trouble as much as possible I can and not taking the rights of others, I think it were being quite achieved with my independent attitude and high idealism. Living simply and letting go of what I can let go before the limit comes, what the most make me proud in life but it makes me get pain in the same time. My son is the sunrise, am the sunset. My son's future is in the struggle of my idealism. As a mother, I even told my son not to let me get in the way of his dreams. I'm not like a whiny mother asking for service. Pursuing what the most you wants in this life and fly to the corners of this world wherever you wants to go even you have to leave me. I'm only his biological mother there is in interim time a greater master of life who will teach him; for the mother of life he should serve and not me. My duty as a mother apart from raising my son and accompanying him to adulthood, of course I shouldn't forget to prepare him for the death. Son, about the death is an ordinary matter like the water turns into gas and then the gas condenses and falls on the earth; I'm thinking of trying to narrate that my love is eternal even though my body is broken if I die first. What I mean is the death is very near. That death must not leave a sorrow so deep then it detracts our humanity. That death is a part of life. In my heart I keep thinking about the loved ones left by my best friend actually. He left two young daughters and a wife who loved him very much. I can feel his wife is still devastated by the loss of my best friend. In fact, I always sue and don't accept why the good people dies so quickly and why it takes so long for the asshole.
11	2018-06-05	The Electric Man Every step is a ponder and each of the ponder is an opportunity of nutrition to the soul. The soul'd be flaccid if was given the soft food otherwise if was filled the hard food the soul would petrify. An anasir is able to go and isn't to back will make people who still have normal and complete body like me be embarrassed even though I have been under-controlled by online transportation now. Finally, I decided to walk from Poncowinatan, a rent shop of traditional dress until my house in Tegalrejo because my handphone was low battery, Grab apps didn't up also. The electricity becoming the biggest deal for us when we stayed in Yogyakarta. I walked 5 km approximately. My mind wandered crossing the border. It was cozy I thought with no worry only a bit. When I was watching the bone of stall forgotten by the customer in crossroads of Pingit but a postponed dream that I caught in there. I such like could feel there was a vapor of hope over the head of owner stall was struggling near charcoal brazier. Hnnn..When I also passed the superb crystal lamp shop where all crystal lamps were turning on and that lights might blind my eyes, that's glass walls were so high over the top. From the street I stepped, even my eyes were very able to penetrate the wall until the farthermost inside of shop, but it was weird that a deadlock way I watched actually! At the last of my ponder, I had arrived the summary about our life in Yogyakarta; I felt more easy getting emotion and stress since lived in Yogyakarta. I couldn't full sleep. In Temanggung all could be gone so easy but not like that in here. I experienced my activities increased significantly and automatically my interaction with the people increasing also. I saw it was good because I could spread my aim as activist in an anti-intolerance movement (Gemayomi). My health in not good enough I thought. At that point I really wise up the kind of life I had been running in Yogyakarta that wasn't like my wish. For my son, I could summarize he could pretty enjoy Yogyakarta even though not at all. His emotion and mental was up and down based on his experience as young guy. His problem in cool weather solved 100%. He easily could eat the fatty food more than in Temanggung, but make me amazing his body still thin. His body keeps to grow in height. From 365 days in Gudeg City, I just had one day could ponder with calm in Yogyakarta while in Temanggung a whole life is the ponder for me. All that beginning from a new idea to brought my son rare a bit far of mount for the sake his future in this century progress. Thats my time to pay back to my son on behalf what I had obtained as a highlander lady. Other case I got in walking that our soul was getting the erosion. We could be brought in 'metropolis mental' like before in Jakarta if we didn't consider it. Now it was not simple to reach the peace-heart for ourselves but when in Temanggung everything seem likes had been fallen from the sky freely and non stop. We just need a little effort to find it. In Temanggung we were the mountain man in Yogyakarta we focus as the electric man. That evening I mean to rent a traditional dress for Pancasila Day Celebration on 1 Juni 2018. When I arrived in there the salon had closed, but I thanked God because it had brought me to meet a man in the wheelchair. So, in the middle Street Kyai Mojo, suddenly two meters in front of me, there was a black shadow who was rotating vehicle hardly. I almost crashing him. When I asked him where did he go he said to home and it was casual his house in same direction with me. My mercy to him. Finally, I finished the remain of one or two kilometer walking together with him. I saw he was really so happy when bringing him with his wheelchair, he was smile proudly. May be this is my first time watching a beggar was smiling. I guessed he was a beggar who walking by dragging his body in the street at the night and about his wheelchair may be given from someone who helped him. When I asked why he been alone in street at the evening he said to walked only. Just defined in the mind that the mean of walking in the street was to reach the mercy. My guess was true, apparently the people around the street has known his habits very well and asked me to left him, he could back to his house people said, but I still helped him until near my house. Its hardly to obtain the mercy in this world today where what he done had been the routine activity and today the society has understood that the beggar is very clever to utilize his limitation to earn the sympathy. About probability in math science, especially for Yogyakarta as tourism destination, I thought the beggar profession providing a high probability success. About everything we are thinking the mercy must not die.
10	2018-05-19	The Conviction From A Self-Control There are so many things we don't believe in this life actually, but we still do that's stuff. Mostly that's happened because the opportunities to process event by event is not much on hands. In addition, the quality of our self-control system is generally poor. The religion we studied has not really become the basis of teachings that lead to self-control yet. Largely of human's mind working to form various automation channels that resemble the robots eventually. People with 'their 'machines' who live in the accelerating world is wear out faster, that's religious oil does not succeed in smoothing the thought, so the erosion of the soul becomes even more tragic. The drought hits the modern's soul, that's drought will shape the crust that will paralyze the self-control system. Also that's localities such as culture and the way life are unable to support self-control till the point of lost conscience. Hate and revenge can really make us a truly robot. The good self-control will usually provide output in the form of conviction. The conviction that comes from the clear element will make us a more complete human being. That's automation system get learning of morality, life purpose and greater wills. So lets say there is something we convince in in this term, but we don't do it then we are also robots. We're actually entering the stage of stealth if we practice convince that not from the clear thinking. The robot who can self-engineer is stealth.
9	2017-08-06	August 06 2017 Able to Ponder Again: Ordinary Way Extraordinary Result With no spouse and only nurture a child should make live is very wispy but why still experienced the super bottleneck like I have. A male neighbor often tempted me to get married again. His thought a marriage is best solution. A friend of Badja volunteer also teased me like him and he is a male also. My female friends also had thinking like that but they were disinclined to say to me. A while they are still thinking the problem of human between the groin solved I have been thinking far of body. After I backed from Jakarta since 8 months ago as Badja's volunteer of Jakarta's election 2017, I'm back to thinking my ideals to mountain and that simple values; certainly its are about way and result. The ordinary way chosen had made me stres and almost been dispirited also because I expect the extraordinary result. Bu I also enjoy it. I am so challenged ORDINARY WAY but EXTRAORDINARY RESULT idea. This is my main problem. The concept of ORDINARY-EXTRAORDINARY I mean outside of mainstream view. This is an antithesis of general way of the successful gained that modern world provides us everyday but I didn't follow it. The strength of this concept situated on process and ability to choose way and can liberate self of instant result. The materials to be my ponder are whether still maintaining general way but getting not optimal result even unrealizable because I lost my time and my stamina drops or give up and using the general way in order getting result by target or selects more flexible way with not disappointed result? Actually I am thinking the general way in antithesis terminology of success that I want a masterpiece born from 'something is slum and ordinary'. I think its awesome! Happening of terminology antithesis by natural likes Stevie Wonder, blind condition did not block him to sin and play music. A four fingers pianist had shake the world. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckenberg, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs or Jan Koum are the greatness from limited 'ordnary' condition extraordinary result. The Mereka bukan produk dari sesuatu yang luar biasa situasi dan kondisinya. Bill Gates and Mark Zuckenberg failed in university. Elon Musk must get bad failure and Jan Koum an alone migrant after his mother died in US. I see the media, promotion and following mainstream are their successful factor. The peoples above are very measly of billion people in the world. May be I was very bored mainstream and fed up with anything unnatural things like inflated balloon so that I chose ordinary way. I let limitation b natural in order to result masterpiece. I thought should be crazy to turn on something crazy. Ordinary way extraordinary result is crazy idea. Ordinary way struggled has noble goal. To free the role of universe in our process. To revive the marvel with keeping innocence of the soul of human. There is not had miracle in modern world our mindset of miracle had shifted very far. The consequence of ordinary way chosen was clearly wont' follow the main stream. I am not anti mainstream, I just choose to not follow it. Until today I did not do promotion anyway, did not accept direct donation and let my books speaking naturally. These are my attempts to maintain my innocence childhood. Am not stormy to rush result that often under cover of self wish to be popular. I had't not use so many activities photos in promotion and as if I did it I do it with minus my face in photo. Thats all my willing to be faithful a simple ideals. Don't tell me that general ways! Had background businesswoman and technology made me understand well the 'fast track way' and 'foul way'. Elegant to dirty way had been known much but I had chosen to create my stream. I believed there are a tiny, gentle and militant stream in mainstream that it's wave unseen to balancing this life. My character is suitable with tiny stream. The step point of idealism struggle is not about how many program implemented? How much benefits had been reached by community? I'm a man who so believe "no singular thing". In the context result by the way selected and so "always had disaster in benefits". This is my other ponder. Disaster is an incompatible things or distortion and distortion is difference negative and positive. Lets say I still keep my ordinary way until a death pickup me and if The Water Temple of Sobobanyu (CAS) program can't be realized also then I had and not yet done are the same quality. When CAS be realized so I had donated a distortion or I was freed of distortion if CAS unrealizable. The step point of this struggle is my self. Its sound so egoistic indeed! But if I can do it so this story will enrich to many thirsty souls. I had felt the wealth of inner heart first then I can share to others. It's influence go through mental, thinking and physics. I mean thats goodwill of ideals is not a matter of program runs or not. As long program assumed a project so ordinary-extraordinary approach will insult foxy and foul way. I finish my ponder. Thanks God, I'm able to enter the amusing atmosphere. A ponder come into to mature my soul, control my body and help me to handle obstacles and difficulty of it.
8	2016-07-17	August 17, 2016 INDEPENDENCE DAY OF REPUBLIC OF INDONESIA AT 71ST {The Feeling at Independence Day} A pile of banana accompanied with a mini disco lights were hanging from the ceiling of our Neighborhood Association Hall. The children who are boy and the men were sitting regularly on the stage by the local custom prevailing in the East community while the women and teenage girl 're sitting in a folding chairs that were under the stage. Those who the male sitting on stage, have the sky of the asbestos combined maybe with a bit plastic PE to make them strong so that the wind as soft as anything not able to evoke rustling. We the womenfolk honoring the real sky and stepped on the real earth. Without insulation, between no better and better than the male in the evening wrap. The chairs that we occupied standing in slightly moist, wet by the rain in several days later it constantly pouring in the town of Temanggung. What is the meaning of independence day through the breezy winds and cold nights feels increasingly settles and absorb into the blood vessels of the chest warm. The atmosphere created in the feelings of each may as 'empis empis tempe' deep boiled in a clay pot. There is a sense of warmth, peace, a little spicy and sour blends in gratitude and delight in the Independence Night Tirakatan at our housing. About our housing's hall, indeed it is a stage that was built in the central of the park. In the end that place could be renovated with togetherness of neighborhood so that it was rather more worthy name as housing's hall. On the left side of the stage, had been built a small warehouse. The warehouse is very useful to keep the property of our neighborhood association like cutlery, iron poles, flags, accessories cloth as well as a sound system and a few dozen folding chairs. All contents of the warehouses have been empty because they brought return to meet our desire to reflect on the meaning of independence. The event of Independence Night Tirakatan is a small republic representation we started. At that time, the moon was visiting the night with his warm enough light. The weather in Temanggung probably around 22 degrees Celsius. Cold night still wasn't able to penetrate the skin of wrapped jackets or sweaters by all citizens. Children and adolescents wore long arm jerseys with white red color combination that intentionally we ordered for them. Shortly after that, as there was sign from the an invisible something, maybe he was some kind of spirit of this nation's Founding Fathers, Bapak Soerkarno invited us to enter into an atmosphere full of wisdom. Mbak Yuyun, who frequently we called the artist of RT/RW 05/05 always firmly through his Indonesian dress code on any night tirakatan. With white top mixed a little red was extremely fixed with a long red skirt that she was wearing, his white hijab adding to glory of the reading of Pancasila which she was guiding. The head of the neighborhood association, Mr. Ahmad Ahmadi asked to gave a speech. Reading the achievements that have been accepted by the village as well as K4 activities report generally even though our housing haven't been so enthusiastic to join the contest of K4 but there is a hope that stated and did not forget urging the repayment of property tax tuck in his speech. He said citizens should be ashamed to trow litter carelessly, should be ashamed of being unfriendly and should shame did not get rub along. The festive of gift-giving time to the children who won the contest started blaring the surroundings place. They were very dashing with a red and white outfit. Forward one by one base on their name was called. The last turn of the children who did not win requested forward to get gift also to keep the spirit! Heat meatballs was jumping in the mouth immediately filled the stomach may be starving since afternoon. Warm gravy in independence nature was very special for our housing which only 27 families. Night Independence Tirakatan guarded by men who would oversee until 12 night by cutting of tumpeng rice as a gesture to the new day. Then the morning comes. The day still like before in the independence atmosphere that always has dynamic, but since we knew so many nations still to wrestle in the civil war, night tirakatan became the arena for us to reflect on the grace of freedom that has been enjoyed over the years. I was asked what is the meaning of independence to me? The independence to me is peace. What it means to be independent if we could not live peacefully? The peace means could co-exist with other because we only have one earth to travel together. In this life I have never found a greater than a spirited revival in colony of a nation. Energy night tirakatan plus all the elements and activities to meet the independence day until this morning ceremony across the country is the collective spirit that is very powerful. It is outrageous if it cannot evoke a sense of one nation one homeland; the blood of Indonesia! What a pity! The time passed quickly before all the well-documented in the soul. The incident overnight as like deleted by events today. To await one year celebration of the seven teens, at night tirakatan back and the red-white flag flying loudly. I pondered the meaning of the independence from my son's participation following the event of independence, from enthusiastic women in our housing to organized events, from the ornate red white scattered in the streets and the last of the merit of the heroes. Really, I regreted a bit, initially somewhat refused to join the contest for defending my proposal, now I feel not lucky man because can not grabbed a rather much the spirit of independence morphic field which next year whether there is still a time? Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka! Long life My Nation Long life My Country. Independence Day of Republic of Indonesia at 71th, August 17, 2016. We are Proud as Indonesian
7	2016-04-12	Somewhere in Lahore Whatever, I really hope can visit Lahore together with you. In not so long it is my another hope. Baby, if we have that opportunity... I am imagining be with you at this time. I want to leave by local train "Moghalpura" and wanna sit near the window. We will be spreading a love from Lahore. In the train, in your arms and when the train began to move away from the station..., please released that shadow of the death that ever you had felt as the son of country to going to absurdity! However, I can feel so much since two kilometers of train moving..., your chest beating irregularly..., could it a trauma of your children's time bring you're always in high alertness or something will happen with us in the journey? I knew, so much bloods and tears dropped in your nation's story and still not enough for them—that's moments I felt so closer you. When you knew I came from the land that is very tolerant and peaceful, such the peace you missed it already received from me. Among us happening a transfer of a knowledge and of a pain. I'm trying to understand by doing a little comparison about the frequency of the sound you heard from shot, shocking blasting and violence that occurred in your country might like the vegetable artisan passing my house every morning. Because I heard it very often, those presence becoming common things in my country, thereby all the horror that happened in your country shall be considered common things also because the life must keep forward? Comes into my cuddle. Throughout the street we passed it would strengthen you more and more. Oh, darling, why love was so easy to bring us together until this mouth lost the words and why the world continues in turbulence only questioned the difference? On a stop in a station, we changed our transportation, we rented a rickshaw, heading to the Gulshan-e-Iqbal Park is our main goal. I said in the rickshaw, "Darling, if our sincere and white love and our coming to pay homage, it turns out with this love also we have to be separated please hold my hand tightly, in order you felt inside the devastation there is always a love." And at once standing at the gates when we arrived..., exactly were being lined up...There was what happened on Sunday, March 27, 2016. The bomb exploded... Lahore bleeding again! The sky was torn and the land redden! Heart grimaced is so sore. Instantly my body thrown very far but not to crumble, the joy of children who can't wait to ride Roll Coaster became hysterical screams, so terrible. Some bodies hit me and disintegrated...on the ground, human flesh became more worthless than a head of goat. Uncontrolled situation increasingly, tears lost the voices. In the center of park, you were absolutely losing like a man losing his lover. You're crying because this occurrence happened in the happiness grabbed. They are a couple of lover, just got an engagement and will marry soon. He came to bring hope but now he went home with an empty. It was still twilight day to get into the night. In my groaning on your arms, a group of eyes were monitoring television with a hate smiling. Its actually their bodies were dead past centuries ago, since a heart has rotted. "Darling," my groaning one again, "Although my body was shattered to pieces but my love will remain everlasting." It will be celebrated either 16 days in the Gulshan-e-Iqbal Park, 100 days, 1000 days or half a century for the victims of human evil who did not have a mercy. They've lost a love. Seventy-five lives are probably still not enough for them but be sure in the level of our lack of understanding that made men most suffered, the love will grow to fill the emptiness precisely. Like rose come out from the rock. Some times ago, that poor man also said like you ever told me that who did not want to live peacefully and calmly and one day a new sun would shine, your country would become Asian Tiger, the whole world be peaceful. Then his lady also asked like I asked you why the war did not stop? Brussels after and Lahore now? He didn't answer as you also did not answer but we're both women, believe it. Somewhere in Lahore, the difference united us is the truth that we have to take it everywhere. Expect the similarity unites difference is impossible? How could you do? The nature of the union is really not about similarities but of mutual understanding! What is your greatness of understanding the things you had got? The difference no need to be denied and cannot be removed; a bad news for the servants of unity built out of similarity. The only those whose dark heart covet the dark clouds. Lahore Oh Lahore. I promise you will come with my beloved to wash the crushed love. Somewhere in Lahore. If we had been able to come for first time, we would definitely come again and maybe then, I've been studying your language, Urdu and Pastho. From language, culture, football, of food and how table manner and history, from the way it goes and the implied meaning in it. From clothing and it's material or how to sew them, from how to drink and it's ingredient and keep on putting here...these at all about the difference! Only from love that if was parsed everything is all similarity; the world needs very much a perspective came out from the great heart and strong willingness to let all the dimensions live on Earth. After Lahore, we will continue towards the South, heading to Multan, DG Khan and Karachi, then into the Northern area to seeing the beauty of Gujrat, Gujranwala, Jhelum, Rawalpindi and the wild of Peshawar and also ensured to the West, an industrial city of Faisalabad and finally Khyber Pakhtunkhwa provinces to meet lovely people to get a rest in your hometown, Bannu: facing the threat of being murdered in the name of difference for our gentle love. If we can go back safely, it's time the world celebrating the difference. PS: This writing is dedicated to all victims in The 16st Days Pasca Blasting in Lahore and wherever located. For the a couple who became victims at the blast. Your love will cleanse the world and especially for someone in my heart.
6	2015-12-27	{The Last Base} The story starts from Kranggan and ends on a house of soul; classic and permanent. About that old longings as well. The last base sought by man it turns out is not The Bura Walls in Jerusalem, nor the resort in Sharm El Sheikh Egypt. What can we say, the monastery on the hill had already been transformed into the colony of foreign exchange donator on the kingdom of luxury. There is no guarantee for man can meet his God there anymore. God alone can not penetrate the walls of a luxury especially hearts of mankind. There is no choice but to rely only upon the God. That last base it turns out to be not far away. No need to roll the wheels for thousands miles and spent a lot of money because it is very close. A heart that peace and calm is the last base of man defense to face 'unconditional' events but why human is always looking for it everywhere? That question was also came up and decorated the six days of my journey to fool the solitude. Starting from Kranggan uphill to the Hill of Tree Man and keeping up up to the most high place, a Wonosobo, then began to turn down into Purwokerto and Cilacap then Jeruk Legi—the mountain and lake of accidentally plugged in my journey but is there any lessons taken? This is the last story of my journey. After a two-night stay at Cilacap celebrating Christmas with OMI's Congregation of St. Stephanus Cilacap, although there is doubt to back to Temanggung because no anyone in my home but the biggest willing is return home soonest. It is not unfit also if stay too linger there. If I didn't have my son be an excuse come home then my radar had guided me immediately return home. Saturday early morning towards my return from Cilacap. At 01:10 o'clock I've arrived at the shuttle minibus. I saw a driver that is being exhausted sleep anyway. Used the hard cement as his head pillow. His potbelly peeking out from his shirt was cramped and shabby was the clearly statement of what championed of the small community like him. I truly empathize for him and fully sued the owner of travel; whether inappropriate for them who have rolled a wheel of company got a more humane so the owner can sleep cozy in star hotels? The views like this can be easily found if wear public transport. The cheaper the more human priceless. Mr. Driver may not be the adherents of Christians but for anyone reading this article I am begging you all, please do not turn on the story of an old beggar died of cold on Christmas Eve again. Gives the bed a little more feasible because the break is the bet of their lives... The passenger was only myself. Then after arriving in Buntu, a area of Banyumas boarded two passenger again. Since then I just could trying to close my eyes. Approximately 05 morning I arrived at home, after first settled my bag and sleeping slumbering in my son's room. Three consecutive days since Wednesday my body can not yet be rest well. I slept so long and almost woke up at 2 p.m.; as far as I go the title of homebody is already ingrained in me then why I seek cold outside I said don't understand. Do I feel better after a many grueling trip, if I felt nothing happened, this is good or bad? Good as more 'solid' inside, bad because the clever hide the feelings. I tried stringing the fact six days fooling 3SAD: Silent, Alone and Deserted. The experience I've gained on the travel does add to the understanding that more enhancement of heart and solidify the steps? My summary rather little leads may not need to exhausted celebrate Christmas if not considering the valuable lessons of the small people that I met across. In addition the oxygen in travel is always same I took also later on a 'special summary' as usual will be awakened then should be a 'general summary' by the eyes a bit teary. As the years ago. I always knew my heart's—something that may not I grab. I look like too stormy handling my loneliness. The absence of my son at home made my loneliness the more similar with a lonely old woman. The Christmas momentum of aggravating the situation. The themes of family, gathered together, eating together become a horror for myself every year. Wherever I go to celebrate Christmas, it always inserted a hope that somehow necessary and no longer need to be a reality. Life continues maturing and drying the tears. Probably I rely my happiness to my son too much. How else can I do because only he is my cause the most realistic in travel life other than my ideals for small communities. After this article is almost finished I asked myself, may be need to challenge myself off of this attachment, by not contacting my son and let him get fun on vacation until his return next year whether it sounds good for both of us? Because calling my son also got personal effort. To be honest, I hate the atmosphere of Christmas and new year but at once awaits for. Christmas and new year always makes me a lot more thinking if do not want to say more miserable. My longing rather conventional because it is touching the sides of the fragility of my human. Longing to get a car, a salary increase, promoted may not need so emotional I think. The old longing is sudden can be alive but new years then it going to leave me breathless. Lightly it came as it gone. A calm heart is the last base, but the romanticism of my heart is a consolation that I can always count it on at every season. PS: Merry Christmas 2015 and Happy New Year 2016. Much love for the people who live and struggle in loneliness. God Bless. The story from 1st to 5th will be released if not as connection of Short Story "Pick Up" or will be the free articles on blog that can be found in home of this site.
5	2015-09-04	{Blue September} Entering in September such like it was entering a gate of hope. Many plans and important works to be completed in September. September seems to function as a safety valve for the struggles of modern man reaching for his dreams. Offing December — the year will change — the resolution will be written back! September is always special. Many important events took place in September in my life. Marriage was removed by marriage, was present in the world, the ideals that was born of the renewal soul and spirit, first books had been releasing and love was experiencing the metamorphosis. Everything is melting in the prayers and hope, Sindoro will release the pain, straighten the bent and uphold the broken. Many things still I kept in my hearts so that certain seasons even though changing will always retain a hope in the romance of human life. Through the lattices of the fact and the plan. The rain also is far from Temanggung although the wind has returned to the mountain. At night my coming from Jakarta, also I felt not so cold but suddenly I wanted to watch a movie. Rarely I found a movie that really touch the heart, movie Southpaw starred by JAKE GYLLENHAAL has taken my concern until the early hours. The role of JAKE GYLLENHAAL really riveting and able to put me on the wave of 'gamma'; a contemplative condition that always I need to continually meet the silence self. Since that watching I've not stand again, eager to be stringing words into sentences, the soul movement flare it seemed willing to burst out all. The letters became so easy to drift to construct a meaning. So much will be revealed through writings because of Southpaw. I was thinking again, about the tough choices that always I took in the fight for ideals while there are staple roles as the mother for my son. About that trip: I was forced to leave my son with the condition he must stay alone at home in a few days and take care of himself without an adult accompanying. Mbak Sum that works in our home, the place I usually asking for help can not handling him because some important matters. Also can not easy asking the neighbors involvement and my big family were in Jakarta. I have indeed make sure everything will get well before my departure to Jakarta as food and other support affairs but in my little heart always knew it was unfair for him. My sister was the first person cast the lawsuit a very piercing the heart, "Wonder, how mother like you! Little boy as he was, how could... you left him alone at home?" she said with amazement about my thinking way. A four-night stay at his home four nights get the education to become a mother. My sister inherited the classical character of our mother, taking the traditional dedication of the mother while I had smeared the philosophy of universal ideals. Since developing the understanding of universal ideals that a mother just got the opportunity from the universe to educate and guide the children of the world, then return them to the universe and let the 'mud' became the mother of their life, then life is slowly I point does not belong to my son again in the context of the struggle of the ideals and interests that are more extensive. Build something do not need wait to become a President I think or the cast of the famous people but precisely that, the ideals I built is very strike me due to the many limitations that I deliberately choose and he, my son there in the struggle that he did not understand. Living in Temanggung one hand amputate the many opportunities 'modern man' for reach the future and other hand develop the identity of more sublime. My sister and Southpaw reminds me that my son is already too much to sacrifice for the sake of ideals that I had been pursuing. JAKE GYLLENHAAL in Southpaw told he must return grabbed his life as a professional boxer in order to get back his son taken over the country since his downturn because loss of his beloved wife. I sometimes think fortunately still lives in Indonesia, if not already how many times will be sat to the court because it fails to give the best for my son. I always say to myself; I am the leader of the movement that I built. A leader was supposed to be at the forefront for putting a legacy. There are hard times in between that made me have to select and the choice often belong on interests of ideals. I always feel less siding him. Life isn't a video tape which could be well replied. We can't possibly go back reaching for a life that's been left out, such as his idea so I go back the business so more freely use commercial money generated to support our lives. The idea of my son as an idea other kids who want to have a 'common life' with the plans of buying a car, buying a home, the holiday abroad, and want this want that it can be easily retrieved. I think my son is a part of himself might still hope in the future we become filthy rich from the result of my book. These musings of men as victims of a modern generation of capitalization or the musings of a mother? Struggle for the ideals that I built gave great consequences that continue to be my ruminations a mother and the head of the family. I think it will be lifelong I ponder it. I can only give him the balance as my honor on his sacrifice. Hope the universe will give the way out are the brightly lit when my son suffered a deadlock later in his journey and hoping that obstacles in his life do not stone but enough for the gravel! Also, pinpoint on the ring of Southpaw he should flourish, fall and then rise up, adored, left out and shine again. From the blood by the blood and for the sake of the blood. Credit image: http://i687.photobucket.com/albums/vv236/Ran87dle
4	2015-04-23	THE STORY IN THE RAINY MINIBUS {the naked feet} The rainy again. When I said it's rainy again did not mean the tears will fall again. The nuance had not bleak anymore though the sky is often cloudy. The first rain was blamed but now the rain is more than a sweetheart. The naked feet that I've seen in circulating around minibus. A pair of tiny legs finally get down at an alley uphill and immediately flourishing up his umbrella. The rain is so very heavy, didn't care about his cloth was wet. She as soon as step she did cuddle his student bag in to skinny chest—a future should be cared by a little girl. The lines of the rainwater that did fall on the glass of minibus which I felt so holy at that moment. And immediately it shaped like many water-sheets but it still able to touch a drop by a drop. Came to my mind about an irrigation goals for mountaineers. Hmnn, if able to caught the rain and moved its to the top of the mountain... it certainly, in the dry season they did not need to contemplate more and more. The rain then deflected my notion. I got down in hurry up at the t-junction of Telkom, a public telecommunication office. To picked up my son at school. After almost an hour he waited the rain wanna to stop. My motherhood heart could not bear him anymore and must catch up with him soonest. Today was already three times I went to his school, the latest to deliver a paper task that he forgot. I thought he was curled up by cold and mumbling, but apparently he was very fun playing in rainwater with his friends. The rain continued drenching the Earth of Temanggung and had occasional thunderbolt. On far of a hill could I throw my eyes, as we were going to home, I saw the Mt. Sindoro Sumbing in wishful bathed in the grace. Many pairs of naked feet lined up in the minibus again. This time the legs were all the property of the boy. No little girl in minibus. On that downhill street again. A pearl I found while we were still 500 meters from our house. Offing the his plainness era will mingle in the passion of wanting to be attained. He said he want to be an inventor but all of about him in suddenly, he ran as fast as can while carrying his umbrella to reach the fence of the house. That it was recently struck me, there was a pair of naked feet in my house which was belong my son. In while in my hand full of his belongings. Since my plainness flew out, rain was difficult to touch.The goodie and a wet body was a burden though at once, I had been so excited while stealing water apple fruit with my brother in the rain. We went foursome carried big plastic. My brother climbed and threw it from the top. We ate all water apple stolen along the back way, empty plastic brought in home again. The rain then became more miserable since had economic interests. Have college, career and business must grow and rain became a large enough barrier I felt that time. It's like the mood so broken when got the rain, the rain was able to drop the confidence to minus. The most miserable first I felt when to taking public transportation. There was a friend who was riding car but more miserable than me, his electronic business submerged all by the rain. She was bankrupt and still in big debt. Now she use a motorcycle still continues keep the pain of rain in his heart. The rain's atmosphere in Temanggung, I convince will be able to reconcile a lot of heart but not so with Mbak Sum, a helper in our house. I like to propagandize her as counter-productive of simple ideals. Rain for her is a big trouble. Every time gets rains, she always complained, her work piling up, please be understood, she worked at six house. Excluding to mention his superman raincoat that often made was steamy while riding motor going to door to door. Finally, we arrived without any blasphemy of the rain from the mouth of my son but I told him at the night in bed that there was time to remove something in order to find something, like experienced how we got a botheration in rain but must be accepted as a gift to get happiness.. Then he said may be need to will have experience a drought to can receive the rain with happily. He kept told to me again how much snow was great! The transformation of the mind must be first occur then the mentality evolved rapidly.
3	2015-02-28	THE STORY OF RETURN FROM JAVAPLANT {selo} Living life is represented as down the mountains. The atmosphere is dark, lonely and alone is a fact of life. There may be a need to 'discotheque', dancing some times or simply chitchat at the coffee shop with chum once it tired regardless and the self felt better. But to be able to go back to a collection of spiritual light of the God there is no alternative way other than having to down the mountains. Dark. Quiet. Alone. This idea definitely opposed adherents fathom of "young happy, old get rich and die go to heaven". One more. The lady. Maybe because I'm a lady, the story returned from Javaplant, Mt. Lawu, Karangpandan Solo through Selo became very touching. The meaningful experience usually only happens once time and rarely recur with the same fragment. Then the Selo was present in this walls, not to separate as it separates the Merapi and Merbabu but to unite human longing. At the moments of Merapi and Merbabu flanked in Selo, my femininity groaned to the night so that the chasm that is closed by it not fooled me and prayed the fog does not close my eyes. Oh, My God! Whereas, the abyss, the sharp bend of the Selo like dragons tail that was so riveting if paddle dawn. When cloud lead, human capability be the same, but women driver remain difficult to find. Driving in the forest at night very gambling for anyone, for women such seeking his death. People who I asked on the road with their doubts such as like to say, "Am I wanting to dead?" Chancy, if there is a moon fitful washed a bit by its romance but tension continues to exist until arrived at the intersection of full lamp. The points of light from houses soothing is the epitome of human need certainty. Vacillating 'will safe' 'will pass ' 'will get deal' 'will love accepted' is a very agonizing feelings but unable to be avoided. My journey go home from Javaplant, the sky is absolutely moping. The badly damaged roads, bridges broken. Some times my car slip right at the lip of the abyss. I kept groaning to the night and finally the night as it drove me a save. The meaningful experience usually also rarely planned. Naturalness forming a sense of being perfect. Often because of the plainness skippering. Did we forget a story of innocent cattle every day eating the food from the people who will sell its? It is better to die to give merit than become the carcass. It might like that mean of Lord to humans back into a solid. I mean, I innocently accept idea from Mas Bibit through Selo because he says will arrive before evening. I've been to Selo once but had never been drive alone. Approximately 2 hours prior to time of Cinderella runs out, I arrived home with a fortified inner. Myself filled with thankfulness. The plainness chaperon me to grab the innocence ability of a man. Reflection about the sense of day and night like the ability of women's bodies in light and dark. For women who have a lot released from the fear of the night, of course, the dark side of the human body does not have a heart to hurt life via the night.
2	2015-02-13	EDISI VALENTINE {basket and lid} World Discovery without reticent often have to do a re-definition of a theory they had found in favor of the benefits of human life. Supposed to happiness personal life over that frequency. Plans and revisions. Much gratitude is due to the many moment in the calendar AD that invites entry into mass ruminations, Nyepi in Bali, Christmas in the world or the long fasting for Muslims, all of that is supposed very reasonably make us happier every year. The human finally learns biology and know that the smallest part of the body is the cell, the smallest chemical composition is the atom. Cells configure tissues, the tissues make up the organs system of the body and then cells in an organ called the organelle, one organelle is not the same with another. About the hormone and its manifestation far more dizzying heads, hormones looking for a target to organelle to be given the chemical messages and then affect our reactions. Chemically induced a tiny flu capable of issuing bad temperaments are buried. Understanding the reactions brought about from the chemical processes of the body make self far more wise, self introspection, looking to the root problem of why the big annual event is less bite. The trumpet of 2014 resolution already crumbled, its balloon burst but its application is not clear. The year 2015 will soon pick up. Genesis per genesis like the wind comes and goes, the sad occurrences and the deficient fortunate like losing those we love, bankrupt, deceived, being betrayed, jobs that are so-so, all sometimes indeed gives personal ruminations. Its depth depends of what assessment of that events. That events of the up and down also generates another chemical process again that will result the obvious reaction is different, too. The mate who never comes not only a big problem but it is intricate while age increased steadily. If any man fear ten times then fifty times the women keep the fear. Men definitely prefer youngest than older leaves that his prestige has gone down; this is a matter of chemistry again. If women thin-skinned and touchy, men will be headaches because there was jammed in his body. Then searched for compensation. Compensation is something outside, that the most we can control is the most got severe suffering of the impact of instability of self. Without we realize a body hormones so teasing genital could be ravaged reality, anyone who is found is considered mate. For those to set "anyway must marry" like giddily selecting as a porridge seller tears chicken thighs for his porridge but fetched its butt. Not kindly but should be made the main agenda, while in Valentine's day. About a leap! Take your luggage suitcase now and go to a place that has never been accosted. Visit the artisan maker of curling crackers that often seen but never knew how to make it, visit friends away or talk with the makers of 'tire' in Munduk and stay overnight at Don Biyu a place much love in Bali will likely give a different perspective. But dare I say that mate such as inspiration, she (he) will come to the place where the grace can land. If you find someone in discotheques there are two possibilities; First you're going to marry, survive although marriage such the robot and the second you keep get married but shortly will divorce because this results in random taking, she (he) is not the person that you want turned out. However, when you go to where you can contemplate with yourself could be the mate is still not found but you've found yourself happy without anyone by your side. "The inspiration was prototype of your mate". Sometimes the passing inspiration way first so that the right mate willing to attend. In the inspiration contains the pure element of the universe spirit and like that inspirations can only be found in the silent place which a place you could find the depth of your heart. Get to know your atmosphere correctly. If your basket is square seek the square lid. Its short story as counsel of the parents if you want the proper mate look for it in the proper place. Note: The Basket in this muse is traditional basket
1	2014-01-08	{ordinary} Sum said she was very surprised there are people like myself who still hope will have a wood fire stove like hers while she craved a gas stove like mine. "Tired of cleaning it up, a black kitchen all, Bu" lamented Sum to me. The wood fire stove always keep many stories that awaken the soul than a gas stove factory brand. Imagine it, after you have to figure useless twigs of wood in the hill or jungle or buy it with difficulty because the times has changed then you should keep your fire again because of the fire of nature does not have a tool of control. The control in your hand. We are always amazed by the simplest things over its ability to touch. Its are have big-hearted character because many struggle was formed there. The human heart is always in need of the heroic story of human being to survive. If don't believe once in a while please try go to mountain or to the Inland hills and meet the local people who endured great effort to put firewood on their shoulders, they usually put one by one on the street was not named. And don't tell me if after coming home you will re-ask yourself what exactly I sought in life? One day, simplicity surely will pursued by mankind who crave a more meaningful life and then become commonplace because of discovered enough is enough.