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Riding the very humane reasons, the dark side of human beings start out fast when mired by the presumption that an ongoing process is “a normal thing”. Whether it should this whilst should be that? When the conscience was touched with something that is capable of creating tears drip, we may be finding the dark side of our humanity.

In the context of my dilemma, would have to keep caring my father was sick while my son should go to school? I brought my son to Jakarta because nobody keeping him in Temanggung. The distance Temanggung-Jakarta is easily case when in the holidays spirit or he is forced not going to school in fixed period of time; of course these two things are not factor dilemma supplier.

I was half-unemployment, in addition to writing and busy on my social affairs, I am free in time, but I must cautiously, after 4 days of caring my father full 24 hours that made me quickly have “something starts to become usual”. Because it’s parameter so clearly presented on my eyes; my father’s get well, his condition from drop down to the zero continuing to improve since my arrival, my father is more excited, eat more and want to try sitting in the wheelchair back. The excited news even he can eat by himself.

My father is physically painless. His passion is extinguished. His body lost its lighters. He felt it was too long to live and give trouble especially to older sister who nursing him. I guest his unwell feeling funded by the sense of lacking nothing. If often made a joke to spirit him when visited with said, “Second life begins 90.” (note: I do not fully agree this idea but needs to say, the spirit of life is not purely born from basic human longing whose niche is eager to return in the natural tendency of human. There is a linear correlation between the abundance of money versus the spirit of life; No son can take care just drop him to nursing home—the spirit is not necessary broken by disappointed because it turns out the parents just giving or we going to medical field can we accept such life hormone in the guise of ‘love hormone’ injected incessant—the synthetic hormone will produces the synthetic spirit). So, I utilize what I’ve read about the extraordinary vitality of a popular hero in this country and has over 90 years as a humor to my father.

The reason of his school sacrificed was true once, this is 4th day of skipping, I began to fret, however I wonder be defended my sight about “knowledge based education” that removes it’s urgency. Because is the school really place to get knowledge because the school also take from the same source. The wealth of knowledge source without smart processing is about school in the buildings. I learn deep its the most important reason and urgency, it looks like I’m starting to get caught up Temanggung’s comfort zone. Two weeks is the limit of my capacity to tolerate life concrete Jakarta, passing from it, I’m kind of out of breath in Jakarta; my balance is chaotic when far from the cool and breezes voice of mountain.

If I decide to leave my father in order my child doesn’t miss his school may be considered relevantly than a reason of my personal inability to go deep into the ongoing life preferences.

The people who not understand my way of thinking might doubt my sacrifice durability for a father or get so outrageous opinion if the affair I used not for children school. I was actually being delivered my process to take the way of wisdom because the wisdom is always pursued by the people who have met with selves at the top of the mountain. How a good can I? The wisdom way requires the ability to view until the quietest corner of heart, a layout of ‘all passions become usual’ are saved.

The reason is indeed very magical tarnish noble way of thinking, always able to present wild in the wisdom way that want to get anyone. The responsibility in job is the most reason that often used by sane adults to not do the boost heart.
Apparently, the wise attitude it turns out to be more easily learned when we live alone, no dependents. So my analysis, if I’m living single without children may be my personal preference not echoed. Therefore it’s no wonder when we often know so many people who are engaged in humanitarian field or NGOs, the judges, finally a the godly prosecutor is defective in the middle task when a car shouted “want it” by their son and wife.

The sister caring our father experienced tremendous stress, she nursed our mother until mother passed away and now our father just on bed become a personally consideration for me, so that his burden divided through this way because my father never wanted to join with the other son. Peace of Temanggung doesn’t appeal to my father despite I offered repeatedly. I know, my father thought I his son is being the most ‘miserable’ because live without a husband and without anyone in Temanggung what could still handle him? My happiness that emanated after living in Temanggung nor soothe his heart.

I think my father was most pleased in life but the most poor happy. His weaknesses hamper many positive energy within him. Taking care of father the light of life is already faded gave him a hope that he could bring it away later to heaven as a happy creature is the heaviest factor left him. My gently nurse him and full understanding give him a little passion. The day when I let told him probably will back to Temanggung tomorrow he directly hunger strike. Indeed, I did have high patience and I think all of my sibling of his son they have the endurance. My sister activities super busy with her three children and husband must be served full time make patience it long also faltered. Expect she is softer and step by step it seems impossible and more impossible expect father understand his difficulties because a part of himself is much he forgot.

Last night, when I said I am not back to home, my father asked a milk. I should be how?

But God had not wanted to call him, my father such awaits in the up down consciousness. Give hope in the rest of time I thought is the path of wisdom. The sound of my heart to say that. Anyway that this is the way of wisdom; beginning and ending will bring mercy to anyone including the reader of this article will muse this one before send our parent to nursing homes. If you want to prove that spirit was able to resurrect life please try to give with love.

A temporary solution seeking help a orderly, this is better than the nursing home or asking for my friend’s son who ever learned cooking in my house back to Temanggung to accompany my son in while I can keep caring father in Jakarta. I wish there was a way out soon.

When the conscience was touched with something is capable of creating tears drip, we may be finding the dark side of our humanity.

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