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The rains in the dawn, after it was-stopped then the surrounding-air-was-fresh. I make step zestfully with my brother. We let the closed umbrella we held to piloted us on the street. We were heading to a place in the main road. A stall where the fried banana stayed in there.

When my old around 12, I and my brother quite often were ordered to buy the banana fries. My another brother or sometimes my father often asked us to purchase banana fries. The stall provided sweet potatoes fries also but fried tempe never be sold, fried banana from the type of king and kepok were the most favorite. It must use the corn flour and the flour must be a lot were the most best delicious banana fries in the world ever that my family bought and ate.

This evening Yogyakarta gets the rains again. After waiting eleven months the rains come then. Am not the farmer, but I feel my mental is original farmer, a mountain lady who a very happiest person when the rains come. If I’m a frog I’m the first female frog that getting mate. At once dating I was able directly to spreading out the thousand eggs just because my heart was very so happy getting the rains. This evening when raining I’m frying the banana for my son.

The rains liberate me from the duty of flushing the grasses in my house. Less and more a week ago I pray so innocently, while lying down in bed I asked God gave the rain for my grasses. God you knew I couldn’t handle my grasses. My thought so simple and God answered me, at the next day the rain really come so heavy and so long and wouldn’t stop until this day; it was called the rainy season is coming in Yogyakarta city. Actually two weeks ago I had had the pain in so many my flowers in Temanggung house dying.

For what kind I am excited; my soul used grabbed the flare through eating banana fries and the latermost 8 years ago, I got many excitements from flowers, mountain and the grass. At first I never thought other things only a bit for about this life is able be mere and have nothing. Today all is sheerness. At other day I went to school to reach my dream with full spirit and buying the banana fries back if it was rainy again—the dream at used and at this time like sky and earth—flying to the untouched space at the past and stepping the ground at the present.

Either education is wrongly or misleading information upon the old awakened passion for about a future must be pursuit by a generation—the old passion built on ‘freedom-less’ may also be above the ‘ignorance’ that plunged the pursuer into bonded-attachment. These running days are the new passion built on the independence.

This life was really nothing and in vain. After the rain not I do not get the mate to intercourse with even though my heart be shady and my soul be calm since the rain had chilled the inner, however what I felt the banana I had fried all still couldn’t rise the old passion. The old passion is like a period I ended it and it was changed by new priority in adult language as naturally. I actually don’t expect that passion to return. I’m just remembering my young passion in fried bananas and then writing it down. The thousand of rainy moments is only this time can remind me on the fried bananas and even my novel book which I think it’s quite phenomenal in terms of the journey I have written, seems the fried bananas are not there. So this moment is quite important if viewed from the side of how I’m connected in the rain and the frequency of buying and eating fried bananas.

I am lucky have son! I like can find a little live picture through his excitement when ate the fried banana. Will my fried bananas made in the rain become his beautiful memory with his mother? Oops apparently he was eating fried banana while playing the game.

Swear! This life is indeed nothing and in vain! Everything is in vain in the end! We must be honest that the greatness of today we see and enjoy truly cannot replace the sheerness of what people have released. Finally the people we love the most and make us live are in vain anyway. Something that’s concrete is gone and can’t be brought back is the sheerness.

It will be touched if the missing is the good people, great figures or people who we love much. For dedication, love, services and all noble values left by them is all the concept. It is the west wind to calm down and and it is also sheerness at some time by some generation. With what we can catch the wind except with only the sense. The sense is the color of the concept to make humans easier to capture and believe that something was in vain is not in vain (not disappear) as it can still be felt: This is like we realize life is impermanent, but impermanence of life is needed and pursued.

The more humans are attached to this life the more this life is sheer. Things that hurt our humanity that life is a waste but needs to be fought for. Things that free our soul that life is an independence; the sheerness doesn’t build deadly attachment. Self-death is the most fatal vanity that has ever happened in life because we can never realize that this life is waste while we in live.

We will get the news that we only can surrender; the sad news from the close peoples will land in our life one by one, followed by the tidings is never be tidings for us and no need our acceptance anymore, which is our death (heee).

After my son ate so many fried bananas he went to the course, I usually like get error after my son disappeared; hmn… throwback, I would gratitude if God bring me his home when I am on the bed, after ate banana fries and then in the rain also it sounds the very gentle death for me and wouldn’t shock my son than died as was murdered, die by accident, sank in the sea, get heart attack or eaten by shark, please no God. Thinking about the tongue moves to the left and can not be normal again at stroke condition I was give up. We are really indeed nothing.

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